Velkommen to Lynchburg

Six million Danes become Tennessee Squires? Moore County gets a budget windfall, and the Square gets busy

#Opinion • 4:18 p.m. July 24, 2026

Moore County may not need another budget workshop. It may just need Denmark.

One acre contains 6,272,640 square inches. Denmark has 6,023,520 people. And every Tennessee Squire receives an unrecorded deed to a symbolic one-square-inch plot on the Jack Daniel Distillery grounds.

Now, stay with me: The Tennessee Squires should grant membership to every person in Denmark. All 6,023,520 of them.

Granted, that may leave a little paperwork for the Tennessee Squires’ Will Shavers and The Whiskey Trail’s Ryan French. But they are young. They can handle working into the wee hours.

Each new Squire would receive a deed, still with the plot number doubling as a membership number. Taken together, the people of Denmark would symbolically claim nearly an entire Moore County acre. There would even be room left over.

After every Dane received a square inch, we would still have 249,120 square inches available for future Squires, visiting dignitaries, county consultants, and anyone willing to sit through a three-hour public hearing.

I’ll furnish the acre

Of course, land is already getting tight on the hill. Besides, it would be asking a lot of that cave spring to hydrate more than 6 million new property owners.

So, to take the burden off Jack, I will donate the acre.

That is where Property Assessor Shaun Sherrill comes in. He should ask the Planning and Zoning Commission to amend the county’s ordinance and establish a special tax district covering exactly one acre.

The tax rate would be simple: $1 per square inch.

Under the current arrangement, a Squire’s deed is purely ceremonial. It carries no legal ownership, development rights, or property-tax obligation.

That is where the ordinance amendment earns its keep.

Moore County government has spent enough time debating what words mean. Surely we can redefine “symbolic” long enough to make this work.

Planning and Zoning can recommend it. The Metro Council can approve it. And just like that, the county collects $6,272,640 and bolsters – even balloons! – the budget.

Start spending

Imagine what we could do for the Highway Department, the senior and resource centers, the library, and the animal rescue.

A new field house for the football team? Done.

New locker rooms for the softball and baseball teams? Check.

Cheer, volleyball, cross country, golf, tennis, band – whaddya need?

STEM for everyone!

And our first responders? Let’s get it done – including a full-time fire department.

Folks, I am telling you, this is the silver bullet. No more slow-drip property tax increases. All with one acre and an olive branch – soaked in Old No. 7, of course.

Clear the Square

The real burden would fall on the Square.

Barrel House BBQ and the Caboose may need bigger pits. Prince’s Parlor would need enough ice cream to cool an entire Scandinavian nation. Lullette’s and Sweet Southern Spirit would need a whole lot more whiskey fudge. The crowd may run the tires clean off Meme’s & Pa-G’s Grill on Wheels.

And can anyone on the Square speak Danish? We are going to need an interpreter. ... Probably several.

Who knows? Chris Dickey may even add stegt flæsk to the menu at Miss Mary Bobo’s.

Still, the plan has merit.

The county gets more than $6.2 million.

The Tennessee Squires gain 6,023,520 new members.

The Square gets the lunch rush of all lunch rushes.

The people of Denmark get a foothold in Tennessee.

That is a whole new collection of folks who “ain’t from around here” – and a chance to show them what small-town hospitality is all about.

You are welcome, Moore County.

And velkommen, Denmark.